Ahh the Bible, that ultimate authority for so many Christians. The next time someone says they believe that the Bible is 100% God’s word, you can pull out these gems where the Bible says…
You should kill your child if he strikes you (Exod. 21:15)
And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death
If you work on the Sabbath, you should be put to death (Exod. 35:2)
Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the Lord: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death
If you curse, you should be stoned to death (Lev. 24:14)
Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him.
Happiness is smashing children upon the rocks (Psalms 137:9)
Happy shall he be,that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
Women should be subjugated by their husbands (1 Pet. 3:1)
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
A Vancouver-area father has been found guilty of negligence causing bodily harm after botching a home-circumcision attempt on his four-year-old son as part of a spiritual quest to make things right with God.
This man took it upon himself to try and learn how to do a circumcision because he wanted celebrate Passover.
The man, identified only as D.J.W. to protect the identity of his son, began researching home circumcision on the internet and in the Bible, and by listening to a radio show.
His first attempt to circumcise himself ended up with his foreskin turning black and only part of it cut off. When he couldn’t stop the bleeding, he called an ambulance, and a doctor in a hospital emergency room ended up stitching up the bleeding wound.
And then he went on to botch the circumcision of his 4 Year-old Son.
The man testified in court that, after the boy consented to the circumcision, he fed him some mead — a biblical beverage made from honey — lay him on the kitchen floor, stretched his penis across a cutting board and cut off part of the foreskin.
When asked in court whether the man used ice to ease the boy’s pain, he replied, “Where would the Israelites have found ice?”
He then applied the Wonder Dust, gave the boy some ice cream and told him he could watch whatever movies he wanted that week, before heading off to church, leaving the boy in the care of his mother, who could not stand the sight of blood.
The question is, where would the Israelites have found Wonder Dust? Or refrigerators? Or anything modern that this man uses in his daily life?
Magical thinking can be harmful, the evidence is right here.
Had our society evolved to be strictly secular, that is to say, had reason always prevailed in lawmaking, we may have long ago granted the right to life to many sentient and nearly-conscious species.
The bible set a precedent that infects human regard for animal intelligence even today. From Genesis:
9:2 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
9:3 Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
Would the world have subjected animals (or various other genres of being) had the bible not been the prevalent Western moral driver for the last several hundred years? Humanity should rethink this primitive regard for–at the time–misunderstood intelligences. Eat meat, but maybe skip the octopus at the sushi bar. They’re as smart as a three-year-old.
Did you know God actually slew Onan for his misplaced seed? Slew ‘em! Don’t even ask about the Song of Solomon…come, blow upon my garden! Bowels are mentioned at this juncture in the Bible…who knew it was so hot up in that holy book?
This will cause one of our anonymous commenters to roll his eyes, but here’s journalist/author/philosopher/goof AJ Jacobs on the year he spent trying to adhere to all the rules in the Bible. If only someone had to told him Jesus’ crucifixion negated those rules! Or something like that!
Did the resurrection of Jesus really happen? What evidence is there for it past the text of the Bible? While a negative can’t be absolutely proven, there can be evidence presented for it’s argument.
Recently an Ancient tablet was found with 87 lines of Hebrew that scholars believe dates from the decades just before the birth of Jesus. It’s causing a stir in biblical and archaeological circles because it may speak of a messiah who will rise from the dead after three days.
It makes the case that the story of the resurrection wasn’t unique to Jesus but may have been a part of Jewish folklore at the time, and the the writers of the Bible incorporated this tradition into their writings.
Another installment of Lessons from the Scriptures; this time from the New Testament.
According to some Christians, the Old Testament doesn’t count anymore, even though they still bring up passages from the OT as a means of justifying or defending a position, such as calling homosexuals “abombinations”. So here’s something from the scriptures that count, the New Testament.
1 CORINTHIANS 11:14
4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.
Take off your hat to pray boy.
5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
Women, put on yout hats, or veils, or burkas, or a sheet, just something to cover up so we can’t see you praying.
7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
So women aren’t the image and glory of God, just of their husbands.
8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
Is God a misogynist?
14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
Cut your hair you damn hippy!
15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.
It’s good for a woman to have long hair so she can cover herself up and not be seen, such as in the earlier verses.
Wow, what great wisdom from the scriptures. I am so glad that so many people regard this work of fiction as the great moral code that we should live by.
This is a re-post of a letter written to radio personality Dr. Laura. She said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.
The following is an open letter to ‘Dr.’ Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.
a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She’s 18 and starting University. Will the slave buyer continue to pay for her education by law?
c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. I’m sure you have found a way to do this and can share it with me.
d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project?
f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses help?
h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear hemp gloves?
j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.
Ahhhhh, the scriptures, the moral compass of many millions of people through the world. Without it where would we possibly get our morals from? Let’s take a look at the scriptures and how they can help us to live our life in a way that is consistent with God’s will.
Today’s lesson is about in how many situations people should be put to death. We will be using the Old Testament from the Holy Bible.
Let’s turn to Leviticus 20:9-21; God’s word as revealed to Moses.
9 For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.
Don’t talk back to mommy or daddy.
10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to ddeath.
Kicking him out of the house isn’t good enough I guess. That’s easier than a divorce.
11 And the man that lieth with his father’s wife hath uncovered his father’s nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Stay away from MILFs.
12 And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.
That sure sucks for the mom; her husband and daughter-in-law put to death!
13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Those damn gays, why can’t they choose to be straight already? God says that they are an abomination, why don’t they listen?
14 And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.
Even though the thought of having a wife and her hot mom at the same time may be appealing, God says no! Death by fire for you!
15 And if a man lie with a abeast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.
That’s a pretty bad day for the beast!
16 And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Some people just love their pets too much.
17 And if a man shall take his sister, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter, and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people: he hath uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.
Don’t play doctor with your sister, or even have a bath together, because it is soooo evil that you need to leave town so your evilness doesn’t infect the other people.
18 And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.
I might agree with this one, maybe you should leave town if you’re having sex during that special time of month, gross.
19 And thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister, nor of thy father’s sister: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.
Aunties are out, didn’t say anything about cousins though!
20 And if a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife, he hath uncovered his uncle’s nakedness: they shall bear their sin; they shall die childless.
God seems to be pretty obsessed about who is having sex with who.
21 And if a man shall take his brother’s wife, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother’s nakedness; they shall be childless.
You can still adopt right?
So, there it is, the wonderful moral compass of the Bible. Keep it in the pants people!
Christian publisher Zondervan is facing a $60 million federal lawsuit filed by a man who claims he and other homosexuals have suffered based on what the suit claims is a misinterpretation of the Bible.
His suit centers on one passage in scripture — 1 Corinthians 6:9 — and how it reads in Bibles published by Zondervan.
Fowler says Zondervan Bibles published in 1982 and 1987 use the word homosexuals among a list of those who are “wicked” or “unrighteous” and won’t inherit the kingdom of heaven.
Fowler says his family’s pastor used that Zondervan Bible, and because of it his family considered him a sinner and he suffered.
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