Evidently Jesus doesn’t have a Blackberry
Today I encountered a religious magic 8 ball with intriguing theological possibilities. Just Ask Jesus promises, by way of a simple online form, to deliver your burning questions to the Good Shepherd himself. What an opportunity! And convenient to boot! Impressed with JC’s interest in computer-mediated interaction, my head whirled with the potential questions I could pose. Maybe he’d agree to be interviewed for Topic Agnostic’s unfaithful faithful!
Investigating the “about us” link to see if God was in fact behind this website, I discovered none of the navigation on the site works in Firefox. Mysterious ways! With great trepidation, I sent Jesus my question:
If you’re real, Jesus, why don’t you appear to me and let me know? In a way I can understand and be sure of?
I typed carefully, respectfully, a tingling sensation in my wrists, knowing I may in fact be about to ping the mailserver of the biggest of cheeses. I figured this question, though maybe already in God’s FAQ, was a great opener that might even result in a taco manifestation, if I was lucky. Coincidence that I had Mexican on the stove for supper? We’ll see!
I supplied my most spam-collecting Gmail address. I dutifully clicked the ‘confirm email’ link, and the website thanked me personally! By my fake first name! I had unchecked ‘remember me on this computer’, yet I couldn’t return to the home page without my name and question attached. God appeared to know exactly who I was, and what I wanted to know!
I refreshed my Gmail inbox repeatedly, awaiting an otherworldly answer to my query. Nothing appeared. Was the question too pedantic? Was Jesus annoyed that I really asked him two questions? I started to feel pretty rejected.
Jesus’ welcome email promised a prompt response,but so far the Lord hasn’t emailed me back. I guess he’s busy. Or perhaps “promptly” means different things when you’re infinite.
Update: the conversation continues!
